tilt ya head back

2006-09-06T21:07:00.000-07:00

hell yeah this is damn true! ps. be back soon. like when i get my life back

the Asserter
Thanks for taking the test !

you chose AY - your Enneagram type is EIGHT.

"I must be strong"

Asserters are direct, self-reliant, self-confident, and protective.

How to Get Along with Me

Stand up for yourself... and me.
Be confident, strong, and direct.
Don't gossip about me or betray my trust.
Be vulnerable and share your feelings. See and acknowledge my tender, vulnerable side.
Give me space to be alone.
Acknowledge the contributions I make, but don't flatter me.
I often speak in an assertive way. Don't automatically assume it's a personal attack.
When I scream, curse, and stomp around, try to remember that's just the way I am.

What I Like About Being a Eight

being independent and self-reliant
being able to take charge and meet challenges head on
being courageous, straightforward, and honest
getting all the enjoyment I can out of life
supporting, empowering, and protecting those close to me
upholding just causes

What's Hard About Being a Eight

overwhelming people with my bluntness; scaring them away when I don't intend to
being restless and impatient with others' incompetence
sticking my neck out for people and receiving no appreciation for it
never forgetting injuries or injustices
putting too much pressure on myself
getting high blood pressure when people don't obey the rules or when things don't go right

Eights as Children Often

are independent; have an inner strength and a fighting spirit
are sometimes loners
seize control so they won't be controlled
fugure out others' weaknesses
attack verbally or physically when provoked
take charge in the family because they perceive themselves as the strongest, or grow up in difficult or abusive surroundings

Eights as Parents

are often loyal, caring, involved, and devoted
are sometimes overprotective
can be demanding, controlling, and rigid

2006-07-22T07:57:00.000-07:00

thats our very own paultwohill

hahaha <3

2006-07-22T07:47:00.000-07:00

for the first time on fri i felt as though i couldnt breathe. as i felt the direction i thought i was so sure of was suddenly vanishing right before me even before i could make my way towards it. think it wasnt so much about anyone or anything that happened. it was more of finally seeing clearly what i was going to be up against. i'm just too stubborn. think i got my mum alittle worried. dont think shes used to seeing me that down. but anyway. now i am even more certain about what i want. no matter what any more idiots say or laugh about. stop judging me cause of how i look. its always like this.

i dont know you anymore. nothing is one way. you cant expect everything to be the way you want it all the time

first heart dissection

2006-07-06T07:07:00.000-07:00

hii today has been such a fun fun day. cause school passed relatively fast with the help of french toast and ahdah's bao qing tian singing. yes she was singing bao qing tian's theme song. can someone please tell her how gay that is? gp was such a knockout. 16 pple were sleeping. out of 27. and it was def not the discrete hold a pen cover ur face with ur worksheet and pretend to look like you are deep in thought kind. but the use arm to engulf face to prevent pple from seeing you drool kinda knock out.

then it was heart dissection time :D i'm sure all my friends already know about this because i have been prob going on about it for a mth or so. so much that geri thought i did the prac ages ago. so it started off with us in half coma state ending with us all high and hysterical after stuffing our fingers through the millions of tubes, trying to do the cutting neatly, all excited about the tiny atria, posing for 'serious scientist' shots with yogi with the session ending with me and kenny going mad and playing tug of war ripping the goat's heart with our hands. hahaha it was extremely extremely funny and prob my most memorable bio prac in my entire education till now even though honestly. we really didnt do much. haha BUT still fun :D

i'm going to study harder from now. cant imagine what it would be like doing all these (excluding the ripping up heart part) on a regular basis and no longer just working with tiny dead goats' hearts and grumbling that other tables have bigger ones. its hard or impossible as most pple would think when they look at me. haha i know that. but i'll try and see how it goes. wah okay this is getting abit too serious. but anyway. yes. pretty fab day its been.

random fact. i have recently acquired the habit of watching 3hrs or more tv straight from 7 on. i really dont see myself giving up any of the shows. the chan 55 cake show always gets me craving for desserts. and this would be followed by coming online. hmm how ah? haha

okay okay. here :)

our neat little heart

yogi and me all excited

all serious (okay lah it was posed)

yes i was serious about the tug of war

life is alright :D

2006-07-03T06:54:00.000-07:00

me and dahh at grapevine :D :D

2006-07-03T06:30:00.000-07:00

hi i am so so so lazy. haha maybe i should just dont blog anymore. anyway due to two very naggy girlfriends. i am back. haha not for long prob. but back for now. ahh so the cts are over. its no jump for joy. just a small sigh of relief and some much enjoyed times with my fav girls as usual. but totally dreading the papers coming back. can someone please steal my scripts and burn them?

anyway yes. due to lack of excitement in my extremely monotonous life. i have become extremely boring and un-funny. so i am going to tell you what i did today. i went to sentosa with my darlings and we are very lobsterish now. me being the least lobsterish. we saw quite a few rj/ex rj/familiar faces. school gathering! the sun was unbearingly hot we nearly died. but i am not even much blacker. pastamania was unsatisfying for jia cause her creambased thing was rather tasteless and sick. my dinner consisted of breadtalk. calbee chips. pastamania and newzealand natural double scoop. helloooo marie france.

night before was grapevine with ah dahhh. just sitting arnd drink sinful frappes and shiver under the aircon. although she referred to much of what i said to her as nonsense when she was telling jia about our convos. i still had quite a lot of fun with our dear princess whom we need to make appointments to hang out with now.

TOTALLY dreading effing sch tmr. although i do miss some parts of it. but its just the sinking feeling thinking bout damn sch. chel.. change sch lah. den you get to see slurpee with us :)

anyway i think bikini makers should be smarter than make metal parts in the middle of the damn bikini. the circle of metal in the middle of my bikini top seems to have officially burnt through my skin and made its presence known to the world. ouch.

2006-06-10T08:58:00.000-07:00

haha okay our usual sat dinner. the four of us once more. it was nice. alittle troubling when we got to the whole talk about our future and me realising i really need to search for other options in case my current only (and not exactly possible) option fails. i decided that. my fav dish at fish and co will still be new york fish and rice. i am not going to try anything new anymore even though the cool thing we tried today was not bad. new york fish has an irreplacable spot in my heart. we were alittle too rowdy and crazy at fish and co. haha it really wasnt that funny. the waving at those nearby weirdos eavesdropping on us. okay boring. i cannot be author. or tabloid reporter. or newspaper reporter. or researcher (cause must write research papers). okay siao

anyway. i do believe. siaoness is contagious.

keee; champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends says:
oh my
keee; champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends says:
i know what chin leng means
keee; champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends says:
it means "Must Shave"
keee; champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends says:
cos always touch chin.

....... ?!?!??!?!

hahahhahahah i love spastic friends. kenny ching yogi i miss you guys..going "wheres oh" and protecting yogi (the indian princess) from her many indian admirers eg the little india class (3b) just in case one of them is her future husband because its bad luck to see ur husband before the wedding ceremony. and laughing hysterically arnd the sch and scaring the j1s. and singing "nong nong ago" in the lift to see if the lift is sound proof and ching rolling into various corners of the sch commando style. and going toilet during gp which ends up as a one and a half hr break in the canteen. haha so fun. :)

ching must be a very happy and xing fu girl now after band :)) hope yogi's canoeing's going well. jia you jia you. hahahah like she will understand.

my dil goes mmmmm..

sardines night at mambo

2006-06-08T06:27:00.000-07:00

hi i've been a very very very lazy girl recently and just couldnt make myself come blog. but okay here i am. i'm going to try and do this at least once a wk from now haha until my life gets a little less boring. so anyway. this is the second wk of our wonderful june hols. and i'm lovin it. BUT its all getting alittle boring. nice and relaxed. but boring.

so there really is only that much to blog about chem maths physics bio gp tutorials and tys. so i'm not going to bother.

mambo was aiight i guess. it felt like new yrs eve at niu che shui again. i liked our moments of craziness when me and mayb just start yelling those damn lyrics and me savouring the looks of embarrassment on bee and jia's faces. i know they would have left the two of us standing there alone like losers if they could move an inch. nice seeing everyone that we havent seen in a while. so yeah. heres to our sardines night.

wish chel was in there with us. they didnt play our song though :(

And I'm on tonight/You know my hips don't lie/And I'm starting to feel it's right/All the attraction, the tension/Don't you see baby, this is perfection

boring night

2006-05-21T04:59:00.000-07:00

chronic was so utterly disappointing. the whole bouncer thing got the hell on my nerves. it took too long for everyone to get in. the whole campfire thing also was super irritating. along with the early closure to the night the supposed raid the too much techno. but the greatest part of the night was def "beep" with my girls. hahah i swear we looked nuts. nuts i swear. one huge frenzy.

i feel quite horrible for snapping. but you cant say that i wasnt patient for the entire night. i shouldnt have snapped but it was just too much at that moment. ah.

okayyyy i am going to try and be like sijia and find the joy of school. i lurrrrve school. isnt it fun to go for lectures and try desperately to stay awake by pinching urself or shaking ur leg continuously and get nagged at by CEM? haha who am i kidding. but breakfast tmr morning should be nice :)

butter factory better be a hell lot better. or i should just stop going till i'm legal

rj netball

2006-05-18T21:22:00.000-07:00

to those tough trnings under the blazing sun when everyone felt like they would die from heat stroke. to constantly grumbling about having long runs and those looks of hope and joy when any mention that trning coud be cancelled. to that long 10 hr busride to penang that seemed so short due to all the gossiping and cards and photowhoring and singing off key at the top of our lungs. to the self psyching up before a game to the pt when we are practically yelling in the canteen. to the laughter from teasing about our many imaginary men. to the fight for our table. to the hysterical screaming by the courts and on court. to the rush of adrenaline and passion after every "RAFFLES". cheers.

the end of netball

2006-05-18T21:04:00.000-07:00

such a bittersweet experience. this season. we lost. i guess theres nothing more to it because we did do our best at that pt of time. but anyway. i still <3 rj netball 2006 so much. so many sweet times we've had. the great company. its still worth it. you guys did well and i'm so so proud of you guys.. honestly. i am.

and finally i can act and feel as i like instead of having to think about how my emotions could affect the team. yesterday when mich broke down and told the team to stop crying and to stay strong for the team somehow i just got so overwhelmed and after we cheered for the last time all those emotions ive felt for the team. for netball for the entire yr just gushed out of me despite how hard i was trying to force them down.

and now that i can moan/go into depression/curse/kill someone about all the unbearable times i had to go through. suddenly it all seems pointless after i had to keep them in for so long. not being able to step onto that tp court to fight for my sch and my team. will forever be this gap in me that will not be filled no matter what. candera was talking to me about this whole issue and how upset it got her. and she said she totally couldnt tell that i was upset about the whole thing this whole time. that means i did a good job keeping up that front for the team right? but somehow it doesnt make me feel as happy as i thought it would not have played my part as vcapt. guess in the end. all i wanted was the chance to play my heart out for my team. screw it i will just put it aside somewhere and let time just make it all fade away.

thanks yogi ching and kenny for coming down. whether its to skip bio or to support us. i'm sorry i didnt get to play for you guys.

those tears. dammit

nah

2006-05-17T07:22:00.000-07:00

i truly thought the ruggers did well. think they really deserve respect for how hard they fought. well done guys.

wah its just so saddening to see guys cry. its just against nature. i always get so affected and upset when they do.

netballers. we've got to win tmr. and we will. lets end this with a bang shall we?

2006-05-15T07:09:00.000-07:00

actually. living's hard. so when you dont try hard enough. you let yourself down and let others down. but when it seems as though you tried very hard and yet still are bad at what you do. and people console you that you looked like you tried your best, is that supposed to make you feel better for giving it ur best shot? or mourn about the fact that even after you tried so hard you still suck? haha life is such a comedy

oh my! haha i think so you think you can dance is so cool :))) ryan's the shit man that cute little boy. even though i totally dont get breakdancing you are still the hottest. sad that snow had to get kicked out though she had such stage presence. but i liked melanie better. cheeell. hiphop soon hiphop soon!

okay i think i blogged too many times today already. its gay. kenny im going to be as cool as you soon!

haha please help me look forward to tmr. cause i am not currently. how can? last trning leh

2006-05-15T04:29:00.000-07:00

P.S. all the above exciting cool (friggin gay) stuff. is the masterpiece of our coolest GA sinhui. so everyone please come support us and check out the most wonderful and artistic teammate sinhui at the same time. photographs and autographs will be given according to sinhui's wishes. :)

semis

2006-05-15T03:28:00.000-07:00

i think we gave our best under all the circumstances we have had to face ever since start of this yr. so now we have to fight tj. i'm just a tiny bit exhausted now. tomorrow i'll go back to my selfhigh screaming like a siao zar borh self okay. rj. we beat them once. we can do it again. we HAVE TO do this. and we can and will win!

i am just so upset with myself. that was my closing scene and yet i didnt even register it in my freakin brain when i got on court. didnt even play my best. i thought i was so psyched up but i am so disappointed with my own determination. how was i supposed to push the team on when i couldnt even push myself on. i should have worked harder and not gave up till i managed to get everyone to believe we could do it. i knew that it wouldnt work unless we all truly believe. but i just gave in so quickly after trying just a little to convince the j1s. i wish i could contribute more than just pointless stupid words and yelling. but if i cant be a good player. i must be a good vcapt and push my team on. i've already sucked it all in till now its just 3 more days left. we've got to do this. we have to. i need to be stronger. go on. go on! there must not be any room for this dejection now. not now.

i'm just so tired. so drained.

semis

2006-05-14T06:24:00.000-07:00

tmr its semis. i know everyone thinks odds are against us. but if just for that hr or so every single one of us could just believe in the possibility that we could put up one tough fight against hc maybe we could be the miracle of this season. haha go rj!! fight hard.

really really really hoping that everyone would find their true desire to fight and win this. we need to truly believe that we are strong enough to go against them. to put all impressions and thoughts we have about them being stronger and training harder and all that and just believe in the strength we would have if we played as one team and play our hardest hardest. make every goal they score without ease! haha jia you jia you.

we need to want this enough raffles! :)

unexpected fun

2006-05-12T07:31:00.000-07:00

haha impromptu threesome to clarke quay. virgin shisha experience was alittle hard to understand and enjoy but was preeety exciting :) comfortable cushions and morrocan music and mx's indian lover. i'm sad i didnt like my strawberry maguerita i always thought it looked damn good.

anyway mum has been nagging about me not studying again. problem with not doing well for cts. i need to do well this time. just to get her off my case. study! how oh how will i find my sec 4 drive back again. come back soon will you?

i love shopping i just wish i had a personalised cash machine that never runs out. i need a few wishes :)

to brenda

2006-05-10T07:30:00.000-07:00

haha okay with the indirect request from dear dah. i have decided i am going to let her know why she is such a dear in my life and not as invisible and unimportant as she thinks she is

To ah dah:

When i talk to you when i am troubled, i am always able to speak of anything that is on my mind without worrying about you not understanding what i am feeling
Even though you are so retarded with your very not funny and lame jokes eg "phang tu tu", although i always make fun of you and ur attempts actually i think you are quite funny lah. in a lovable retarded way
You allow me to be myself. what you give is comfort such that i never have to think through what i am going to say to phrase it in a nice sounding way but yet allow me to confide in you about the stupidest most loserly things i did and make me feel better with ur relatively hyenaish laugh and make it seem like its not that big a deal after all
You are still my favourite pair ball work partner :)
Even though i am jealous that you have to split ur time between us and ur boy things still feel the same. with me being the most most childish when i'm with you. like our pillow fights. and getting high and riding the sofa at junli's house. and smashing each other's chest with the damn netball in the canteen and laughing like crazy bitches.
You might think you are just invisible and unimportant but when you are not around your absence always feels so obvious to everyone - because you are the sort of people who silently creep into other people's lives without their knowing.
As much as i always tease you about this. i still find it very amusing why you like to "am qio" to urself when you think/talk/pretend to nonchalently mention sthng about him
YOU LIKE TO INSIST THAT _____ IS MY CHU LIAN!
You will still be the only person whom i fought with under the table during social studies (hello. mr png is biased i will forever bear the grudge that he scolded me for whacking you when you whacked me so freakin hard first)
You are so much more than you think you are so stop pretending to be hollowman and show it! <3>

surprise!

2006-05-10T07:24:00.000-07:00

oh my today really came as a surprise. was totally totally not expecting or mentally ready to go on court. and well i didnt play as well as i ought to considering how impt it was for me to prove myself. but i did screw up a little. i sorta did quite the best at the moment but def could have worked harder. just have to cross my fingers for the nxt few matches? haha maybe the damn vicious cycle will start again. oh well one wk :) we did lose like hell. damn. but mich was right about the teamspirit part. today was prob the time when we showed the most desire to fight as a team. maybe thats what a tough match brings out. now we just have to put the team spirit part together with the technically physically performing part together and it will all work :) go rj netball!! raffles!

i am really grateful for getting today's chance on court. wish i was more ready to take it up. but still happy :)

1

2006-05-06T02:54:00.000-07:00

dance night was nice. cat did such a great job :) the walk after dance to raffles city with chel and jia was hysterical. beeeep. i <3 u guys. allowing me to laugh so hard even with all that bs arnd. we are such craaazy bitches. <3<3<3

i tried. it didnt work. i just need to deal

colorgenics test

2006-05-01T07:24:00.000-07:00

prob the most accurate test in the world. the colorgenics test

You have exaggerated demands on life but you are cautious enough to try to hide these beliefs from the outside world. You are covert enough to try to impress other people around you with your achievements and at the same time able to put on an act of pretending to be 'humble' - being the same as everyone else. It would appear, however, that whatever you are doing seems to be working out O.K.

You are working extremely hard - perhaps even above and beyond the call of duty. You are preparing for the future and therefore trying to build a firm trouble-free foundation upon which you may base all of your dreams and aspirations.

For some time now it would seem that you have been frustrated and emotionally inhibited. The circumstances which appear to be beyond your control are making it very difficult for you to develop the detached emotional attitude that you seek.

For some time now your hopes and expectations have been denied and because of this you are becoming withdrawn and introverted. Continual disappointment has manifested itself in you becoming both suspicious and restrained you have become withdrawn from others and have receded more and more into yourself. You seem to have lost your innate enthusiasm and imaginative nature, for fear that you may be carried away by it only to find that you are wasting your time. You are loath to trust people, as in the past your trust has been misplaced. You seem to be keeping yourself cautiously aloof from others. At this moment in time your attitude is to trust nobody - until they can prove themselves to you.

You are moody and depressed at this time but it will pass. All of your hopes and dreams seem to have gone astray and you are fearful of planning further for the future. Disappointment at the non fulfilment of your hopes and the fear that to formulate fresh goals will only lead to further setbacks have resulted in considerable anxiety and you try to escape from this by withdrawing into yourself. But that is not the answer. You have the power to succeed, believe in yourself... all is possible to him who believes.

hope the last part is true at least.

so you think you can dance

2006-04-24T05:46:00.000-07:00

i think its so cool that people can dance that well. just watched so you think you can dance. its so saddening that the pro guy got kicked out. he was such a good performer lah. its not all about the technical part what. its when you can get across the emotions that you are feeling through dancing that is the key to it right? so poor thing. they made him dance even though he was already crying. so cruel aint it.

haha okay i know its a totally random post but being able to dance is so !!!!!!!

depressed

2006-04-22T08:54:00.000-07:00

i have decided not to blog anymore because i always sound too sad in my entries so i will blog again when i am capable of being truly happy.

i am not going to give up. even if it looks like odds are totally against me.

i feel fat really. how? its sick

i always dread going home after a wonderful sat night with the girls just talking about god knows what. just checking the clock every 2 mins wishing time would just stop right there.

i need to find some source of energy to go on. where oh where am i going to find it?

i dont think i am as strong as others think i am. not even halfway there.
my horrible side seems to slip out at bad times. that is another sign of weakness right?

i really need to work a lot harder if i want to make it to med. a lot a lot a lot harder.

madnesss

2006-04-16T07:02:00.000-07:00

now i truly understand the feeling of addiction. when its all you can think about doing and it makes you all high and spastic. hahahhaha i never take drugs lah. but i am sooo in love with the taiwan serial i'm watching now. its called e zuo ju zhi wen. i havent felt so happy for so long i swear. okay i know i sound very gay now. BUT the show is soo sweet. hello. sijia the stone is totally totally obsessed too lah. i am trying my very very very best to watch slowly cause i always get so super sad when i finish my shows. but it is so hard. throughout tuition today me and jia just kept obsessing about the show and breaking into random convos about random scenes of the show. hahah i am going to buy the vcds. i think such dramas should totally be banned. it is prob the reason for low fertility and decreasing marriage rates around. because of the unreal impossible to achieve in reality sweetness of it all. haha i'll die young to be the girl in the show. really! haha this is such gayness displayed. when is my turn huh huh huh??

okay no i am normally much more sane than this. nice taiwan/korean serials. are my archilles' heel as they call it. my weakest weakest spot. haha so no i am not very weird lah right.

hmm netball has been going aiight. still trying still trying. think what i need most now. is mayb's confidence. just half of it will do i think. i think our team really really has potential. hope everyone will start believing in that. so game with nyj tmr. play hard play hard!

such an unproductive weekend. its the vcds' fault. i am going to continue watching now! haha thank god no one can see me when i'm grinning like an idiot to myself while watching. or laughing like a crazy bitch or jumping on my sofa. haha how retarded. hold on mayb! you will get ur turn soon :))))

I NEED GOOD GRADES FUCK

2006-04-12T07:48:00.000-07:00

i was in a relatively good mood cause of netball and the msg and my mum had to come spoil it. this world is just a fucked up place. i just need to do well. everyone just wants me to do well. i dont think i am a perfect person. i am just trying to be strong and independent. why do you all like to misunderstand. when i had very low self esteem everyone had a problem. now that i am working on being a better person and living my life in a seemingly better way. you all still have a prob with it. just leave me alone. i'm fine on my own. i can survive without that bastard as part of my life. then i can deal with it on my own

and i am SORRY that my 'hellos' bothered you.

i always feel inadequate.

what the hell. rachel i want to be funny again. whats up with me.

i was happy you know. i was going to very discreetly blog about how i was a tiny bit happy because of the msges. now i dont feel like it anymore.

i want to live my own life. i will make my own decisions. if this makes me seem arrogant or full of myself or whatever. i dont care because in the end its my life and i'm the one living it.

i hate pple who dramatise stuff. its just a small small thing. wah i need to curse or go take up thai boxing or sthng.

the fact that i had to alter and delete so many parts of my original version of this post is making me think about whether i even need this blog.
i think i am just going to close this down and blog in my private blog.

rambling again

2006-04-11T08:00:00.000-07:00

hmm just wondering. is it better to know your true position and chances in the situation or not know for sure and just leave that bit of hope and fight on? haha i'm trying very hard to keep to one of my 5 steps that i wrote down for the mental skills thing. which was to stay positive even when i'm not playing/ just fillling up the numbers. seems to help me not feel so dejected and disappointed and still play on but somehow feels abit like slight denial to me. aiyaaa haha never mind never mind. as dah said "just jia you". haha at least i would have gave my best shot right?

realised how bad dependence is. i was a little more abnormal than i thought i would be. just a little bit. ah ah well well.

i should sleep soon. i have officially ran too much today. tmr's friendly with nj. jia you :)

huh whats this

2006-04-10T07:04:00.000-07:00

i want to live my life such that in future if someone asks me on any day of my life, that if i had a chance to change sthng about my life what would i want to change, i would answer without hesitation. "nothing". its hard though. much harder than it seems

i seem to be pressurizing myself too much over everything. which makes me dread stuff because of the fear of screwing things up. its too stiffling.

it still puzzles me how strongly i can feel for matters and people but yet even in their absence i still live aiight. like how i dont miss sec sch half as much as almost everyone i know. like how wrong it felt at first when melanie and evan were no longer in our class but yet school seems normal now even though i know it would def be better and diff with them arnd. like how there are people whom i can hang out with so often for a period of time but yet when we are all busy with our own lives i still feel rather complete living life without them. is it supposed to be this way?

i miss cheerleading a lot.

out of sight out of mind seems to really apply for me.

hmm i am just a tiny tiny bit sad. just a little bit.

loserly day

2006-04-07T08:35:00.000-07:00

haha today it was the outing of the two losers. me and sinhui are officially the coolest girls arnd.

ms sinhui did very random stuff like chionging towards the escalator that was going up when we were going down despite three pple shouting "aey aey" to her. you should have seen that look of determination and persistance when she chiong towards the escalator. other stuff include our overly enthusiastic and loserly greeting of someone who wasnt exactly in the mood to react the same way. i swear we said "hiiiiii" about 3 times each. before realising that she was not exactly going to get up and hug us with joy upon seeing us. many small random things i cant remember but not exactly the epitome of cool

and i was highly uncool too. starting the outing with us running to catch the bus and me not zipping my bag with my wallet and my coins and my tissue falling out of my bag like hansel and gretel dropping bread crumbs? and sinhui stood there and laughed at me continuously even after we got on the bus. and i tried to check lido movie timings in the newspapers in cheers while sinhui pretended to browse through the most random stuff arnd but in the end it was so challenging we decided to each fork out the huge amt of 40 cents each to buy the damn newspaper

we watched fragile. such a disappointment the trailer looked so damn good. when the nurse thing. the scary part supposedly. came out me and sinhui just kept laughing at how ridiculous it was. there were parts that did creep me out a little though. but on the whole def not worth the money. we nearly fell asleep cause there were oddly many scenes of the damn car driving through fields and all. anyway we ate alot. as usual. and we ate alot after our friendly too. our speed eating in 15 mins after taking long to decide btwn macs and kfc.

friendly was okay. didnt play extremely well but okay i guess. still lots of stuff i prob need to work on. haha positive thinking right?

anyway wah what a boring entry. sinhui. ur fault lah haha you inspired me to come blog about how loserly we were. and now so boring. haha anyway today was fun lah with meizz even though movie sucked. so :)))

i want to watch take the lead! i love all dancing shows. okay i am freakin tired i will go sleep soon. maybe tmr will be nice.

effed up

2006-04-04T07:53:00.000-07:00

the 3rd time i am typing this shit. because my com is so damn screwed up

today has been a horribly effed up day. i have officially gotten back all the papers. was expecting horrible grades because of the less than minimal amt of time i put into studying this time but seeing those grades for real bothered me a lot more than i expected

everytime we got back a paper. and they would do well as they always do and then my paper will arrive with such ridiculously low marks and i will go "what the fuck?!" and then sink into silence for about 5-10 mins and during this time there would be this tensed silence enveloping our row even though they ought to be happy about their results but cant cause of me. and then i would joke or comment about sthng just to seem more like my usual self so they can breathe more normally. i'm so sorry.

when i'm upset i just need some time to be abnormal. to just not talk for a bit. no need to fuss over me or ask me if i'm aiight and all that although those gestures are much appreciated. i just need my time to feel horrible enough about myself so i will at least learn from it. cause usually i dont deserve any fuss or attention. i'll promise i'll not mope. just look alittle emotionless for a bit and i'll be fine.

i dont know whats up with me anymore. its not just about results i think. a relatively big part is i have to admit but not all of it. i think depression is just contagious.

ah good awakening call this time. really needed it. i'll work hard from now. really.

i'm not depressed! i'm just NOT happy okay. but i'm fine now. i always am after a bit. :)

nahh.

2006-04-03T07:48:00.000-07:00

was just reading through my past entries in my blog. realised there are quite a bit of stuff that i wish i never did or just never happened. wish i had a warning system. to beep or ring loudly in my face just before i would do sthng that totally destroyed the good of the current state or situation. just because of moments of negligence and greed for more happiness. if things just stopped when they were good long enough for me to realise that it was great enough to remain that way before i went ahead to destroy it. it always seems nicer when you are reminiscing back. i dont ever want to forget the nice times. but they seem to be fading away slowly even with blog entries to try and salvage them. if only everything just stayed as great as they were at those unexpected and seemingly insignificant moments.

nothing

2006-04-03T07:40:00.000-07:00

hmm why?!

dance baby dance

2006-04-02T08:14:00.000-07:00

Let's go to a rave,
And behave like we're trippin'
Simply 'cause we're so in love.

Funny hats, shiny pants
All we need for some romance,
Go get dolled-up
And I'll pick you up.

There's no line for you and me
'Cause tonight we're V.I.P.
(I know somebody at the door).

I see that twinkle in your eye,
You shake that ass and I just die,
Let's check our coats and move out to the floor.

When I'm dancing with you
Tomorrow doesn't matter.
Turn that music up
'Till the windows start to shatter
'Cause you're the only one who can get me on my feet.
And I can't even dance.

Just look at me, Silly Me,
I'm as happy as can be-
I got a girl who thinks I rock.
And tomorrow there's no school,
So lets go drink some more Red Bull,
And not get home 'till about 6:00.

When I'm dancing with you
Tomorrow doesn't matter.
Turn that music up
'Till the windows start to shatter
'Cause you're the only one who can get me on my feet.
And I can't even dance.

Everybody here is staring
At the outfit that you're wearing
(I) Love it when they check you out.
Cover's only twenty bucks,
And even if the dj sucks
It's time to turn this mutha out!

When we're together
When we're together
There's no tomorrow,
There's no tomorrow
When we're together
There's no one in the world
but you and me oh
you and me oh
You and me

-No tomorrow by Orson

haha i think the lyrics are very sweet. seee i am not the only one who sees that being able to dance is a very impt quality in seeking partners :)

reflect

2006-04-01T23:08:00.000-08:00

there are often moments. when you look at someone else and question why you were not made to be that way. to have the same effect on pple. for them to be happy to see you. when you wish you could be as able as them in even the seemingly most insignificant area. to just be of a better part of others' lives. but is this self awareness and the desire to be a better person. or just a clear indication of the inadequate person you are and lack of belief you have of ur own abilities. the need to be reassured of ur importance that you are not getting.

the usual

2006-04-01T07:36:00.000-08:00

netball still makes me feel stupid and useless and pathetic occasionally just like old times. it seems to be very hard to be able to play on the toapayoh courts. quite exhausting to push on. maybe i should just let things be as they wil be naturally..

very hot trning in the afternoon. with belle looking pink and healthy and sinhui red all over looking like a tomato. a cute one lah okay. happy not mEiz mEiz?

failed attempt at doing work. dinner at fish and co. reading cool mags and horoscopes at borders wishing a comfortable sofa would appear.

anyway things seem a little nicer than i thought they would be. we'll see :))

2006-03-27T05:19:00.000-08:00

The results of your analysis say:
You plan ahead, and are interested in beauty, design, outward appearance, and symmetry. You are a social person who likes to talk and meet others. You are affectionate, passionate, expressive, and future-oriented. You are a talkative person, maybe even a busybody! You like standing out and making sure that people know your mind.

haha nooo i am not a busybody okayy..i'm just very concerned about my friends :)

anyway came back home earlier than usual today. not very early but was hoping to get a tiny bit of the maths tutorial that i lost done since its due on fri. but i slept all the way to dinner. and its 930 now talk about productive

oh trning tmr hm. getting quite mixed feelings bout trning nowadays. but about our major drama. i really think it is working out now :)) for once it feels right. hope it is going to last. i really wonder how it would feel like to be essential on the team. am i ever going to understand how that feels? sigh

mos pictures

2006-03-26T07:14:00.000-08:00

my fav colourful room :))

<3

oh i forgot to mention. they have cool toilets :)

ministry of sound

2006-03-26T06:25:00.000-08:00

first visit to what is prob the coolest club we'll get arnd here.. was expecting the shit but this was too cool. smoove (hiphop) had the dancefloor with the cage all arnd. retro room with the cool seats and the floor with blinking squares of different colours with the disco balls above.. i felt like i was visiting some exhibition rather than mos. spent most of it at smoove music was good. but too packed. some damn bitch kept flinging her hair at me and bumping me with her ass i wanted to just smash her face against the cage. i'm claustrophobic. the usual photowhoring. was planning to blog with pics this time but i'm far too lazy the camera is upstairs. i'll do it later. anyway three of us but yet we had a pretty fine time :)

going back to sch tmr has gotten me all depressed. i dont want the papers back i already know i screwed up and everyone no matter how many times they said they are going to fail or screw up will still end up with brilliant grades. anyway i dont give a shit i promise i will start taking sch seriously soon. the cts have been of pretty good use in slamming me back to reality that i will really screw up my a's if i dont buck up. i dont like feeling dumb.

anyway lots of stuff. appraisal went well. hope it all works out. it prob will if everyone tries which i think we will. it is so much easier getting along with someone rather then disliking the person. feels abit weird still but ah.

how exactly are we supposed to deal with people in general. is it often that you get stuck between what should be the pr way of dealing with matters and what you feel is right to you but yet prob isnt the best way of dealing with matters. are we supposed to face every person we meet with the open heart believing that she/he is good at heart and take every action to be of good will until you get stabbed in the back by the person? would it be too late by then? or should we just face every day and every person with wary. waiting and observing and just looking out for the day that would def arrive when he/she will show their true colours and betray you and you will be ready to deal with it. so that you are mentally prepared for it. that you wouldnt be that hurt or at least be able to comfort yourself that you were expecting it to happen and lie to urself that it doesnt hurt that much cause it doesnt matter to you? yet will you be happy living like that and being cynical about everything and even what your good friends do? they say honesty and communication is key to relationships but is it not true that often confrontations or remarks destroy more than salvage what you had?

i always liked to believe that i am a cynical person who dont believe in pple easily but yet so many times i see myself in situations realizing the truth too late such that i am already hurt or bothered. so maybe i am naive. am i? but sometimes i catch myself thinking "am i thinking too much into their actions? to think that they just want to see me down and feel better about themselves?" maybe thats why i'm so hard on myself because i refuse to allow situations to occur such that i will be caught in such a disadvantaged position for people to look down on and criticize and judge. it is all just so complicated. i dont know.

fuck school

stressful night

2006-03-17T02:38:00.000-08:00

if i ever help sell tics again..someone please slam my head against a wall or sthng please..damn there were more ticket sellers than ticket buyers yesterday..got us so stressed up. anyway dxo was aiight i guess..music was better when we were still stuck outside.

not being able to drink sucked quite alot cause i had tuition at 10am today and have to get some work done at least. which i havent done till now and it is 641pm already. :) weird weird weird psycho quite cute angmoh guy..has succeeded in being on the top of my weird encounters in clubs list. my back was facing him and after dancing for damn long i was so damn sweaty and he freakin used his finger and brushed across my back and fuckin face painted himself with my sweat. i was so mortified jaw dropped for about 3 secs.. no he did not like draw butterfly or whatever on his face he went to do the war-one stripe on each cheek-thing? ANYWAY point being. i am scarred

highlight of the night "hey i want to ask you to dance but i feel like puking" :)))) haha sijia its ur fault if i dun get married in future..you must pay for my old folks' home bills.. i am serious jia we need to get a signed official agreement done soon. i feel insecure about my bleak future.

haha cute :D

aiya i want to take mc for cts. sucks.i'm going to F-A-I-L

penang

2006-03-15T19:56:00.000-08:00

haha was looking through mayb's penang pics..and it made me realise that this was the last netball trip we will ever have together..and it was so fun :)) think it did fulfill its ultimate purpose..which was to bond as a team..we did lah..most of us at least haha ANYWAY..my pics are up too :) link below tagboard yup

RJ NETBALL <3

penang trip

2006-03-14T03:02:00.000-08:00

got back last night from my penang netball trip..despite the freakin 10 hrs bus trip there and back..it was really really fun :))) the 4 friendlies were alittle frustrating but the shopping and eating and cards ( i finally learnt daidee.. yes i didnt know it last time why does everyone think i am some gambling queen and are always so shocked when i say i didnt know how to play it?) i spent alot on god knows what..loved my shirts and all..the netballers were such great fun..really too lazy to do the detailed blogging that i used to do for sure..but anyway think everyone enjoyed themselves..that says a lot right? :D

okay anyway.. it was the last straw for me..i just snapped after that incident made me see it so clear..finally after so many pple tried getting it into my head..that she totally had no regards for anyone's feelings beside hers.. and since i always believed in treating pple the way they treat me..there was no longer a sufficient reason for me to tolerate it all..so so so many times of me wanting to just scream and stand up for myself..which everyone who knows me will not deny that i always do..just cause i felt that i needed to hold it in for the best of the team..so that things will not be so tense or hard for anyone else..but there is only that much i can take..maybe i didnt handle things the best way that a vcapt ought to have done..but that was my breakin pt.. i swore to yogi that i was going to make sure that this trip helped her feel more comfortable and get along better with the team..it all did seem to be working out fine at least throughout the trip there.. for that moment i really thought it was going to work.. but if she was going to treat pple like that..with such lack of sensitivity no one would be able to deal with it..ah i dont care anymore..stay out of my way.

anyway major photowhoring in penang..photos will be up soon i hope :) i <3 u j2s

shoes

2006-03-06T06:13:00.000-08:00

haha i get excited over the smallest things..like buying new shoes..love my new shoes..sinhui got the same pair.. they look quite like white school shoes but they will match our future jersey and matches our sch u too :)) haha court shoes..lets see if it works better on wed

school was so amusing today..esp during pe and before gp when we kept disturbing yogi..i swear my rowmates keep me sane in sch or i would have sank into depression last yr about 3rd jan maybe? yogiiii..why dun you ever want to say "feng zi" with us?! go sit with yanshuo or next to the teacher's table lah.

it was fun with sinhui at queensway..it was the uniting of the two lians of netball lah..she's a bigger lian though haha

i'm quite stressed about netball again..i really need to perform i dun want to make it just cause i'm vcapt..if its gonna be the case i rather not..really..

anywayy..sally's party

THE BOILING POINT
> Date: 16th March (Thursday)
> TIME: 9pm till late (4am)
> VENUE: DXO (The Esplanade)
> MUSIC: Hip Hop, R&B and the Top 40s!
> DRESS: to boil!
>
> PRE-SALE tix: $18 (inclusive of 1 free drink)
> Be seen at the BEST boiling party!
>
> Start the ball rolling with the best of both worlds as
> Lass Productions and IndulgeCorp jointly wants
> you to be a part of it.
> Ask yourself, why you want to be there?
> Not for those cheap thrills, but the PURE FUN!
>
> Because its the PEOPLE that makes it happen,
> because its YOU that makes it happen!
>
> Think about it
>
> *Media & professional photographers will be there
> to spot U*
>
> FANTASTIC DRINK PROMOS!!!
>
> *From 11pm to 1am, ENJOY 1 for 1 on drinks!
>
> *Tequila Shots at $5
>
> *PREMIUM bottles;
> Absolut Vodka at $109
> Jim Beam Black at $118
> ALL NITE! Purchase a 2 bottles of Jim Beam
> ONLY AT THE DOOR at $200...
>
> For you to get tipsy and get gutsy!
>
> WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO MISS IT?
>
> RESERVE your tickets TODAY (running out!):
>
>contact me or chel for tics yup :)

i am a shu nu

2006-03-04T02:11:00.000-08:00

haha okay my dear teammate sinhui..told me that whenever she sees my face..all she thinks of is the word "f**k" which i found highly disturbing..since i am actually such a demure shu nu inside..so from now on i will not curse on my blog anymore..haha i stress..only on my blog..i must still retain my unique-ness in my daily language you know

anyway i am excited about penang..but i am also very stressed about common tests cause i suddenly realise that i have so damn little time left..haha even if i study 1 topic of bio every day from now till bio day i wouldnt even have finished half of the tested stuff..just great :)

i think my eating habits are highly disturbing..i was eating with chel on sat. at 5+ and we were having dinner. so we both had subway and then..i decided that i was very hungry still and i ate a long john's meal right after that..and just when i was about to stick my fork into my first fry we noticed the gigantic humongous girl that we saw sometime ago at lido..she was sitting right in front of me in my face and i suddenly realised maybe this was a sign that i better stop eating like that..but my hunger was too unbearable so as i finished my 2nd dinner i started to feel that i should resign to my fate that one day in the near future i will be like her and need to sit on one table at lido on my own and actually not have to put bags on the benches so that pple will not sit on the same table..because when i am that size..anyone would feel claustrophobic sitting within 1 metre radius.. okay eat less eat less

i think i got heat stroke..my face is burning..

i think everyone i know from rj is studying now..hahahhaha i'm screwed

hI xXxIaOsIn yOu vErI dE cOoLzXZxz LeHxzx cAn yU bE mOi mEiMeIxxx aRx?

challenging authority

2006-02-28T07:23:00.000-08:00

i hate it when things are this way..when we as students are forced to accept anything teachers say or do to us despite how effing unreasonable it is just because with a flick of their wrinkled trembling hand they can screw us upside down by screwing up our testimonials/complaining to our cca teachers/give us white slip/did i mention screw us up with their fucked up authority? and they can shove that in our faces by continually preaching and stressing to us that if we feel unfairly treated we should stand up for ourselves and voice our stand which is totally bullshit because that is totally not possible cause everything comes with consequences for us right? so fuck you CEM we do not need to change so stop calling us "ms poh mr yeo ms koh" and telling us we need to cause we DUN FUCKING WANT TO you bastard.. i wish i could challenge all that fucked up bullshit he preaches to us about but the class already thinks i am delinquent enough. so never mind. argh i wish i could throw a chair at him during civics

anyway today was quite a bad and frustrating day..the short fuse problem again. i think the tone that pple talk to me with directly affects my response to them greatly.

training was fun..the funnest till date ever since j1s joined us at least. the jnrs are pretty fun :) i am excited about penang

anyway..to the cool j1-like-to-dig-ur-nose rugger..hi.. i do not grin at you in school in a 'pretend to be nice but want to shove a cactus up ur ass' way cause guess what.. I DONT SMILE AT PPLE I DONT KNOW AS MUCH AS YOU MIGHT THINK I AM A CRAZY/FIERCE/(FILL UP THE BLANK WITH UR CREATIVITY) GIRL..so yeah. love ya too

yup pictures up.

the gay convo about whether the rapist would take my phone just floated back halfway through my hydroxy compounds tutorial..odd huh

zouk's fresh

2006-02-24T23:50:00.000-08:00

zouk last night for its annual hiphop thing..it started off really really amusingly with loads of the usual hiphop performances..and just when our patience was running out and we were going to just go eat prata..dj craze came up..he is reeeally good..i swear he saved the night..i liked last night because it felt like sec sch clubbing times..where it was just the pure dancing that somehow kept us going on the dancefloor nonstop from 11-4..i really prefer it that way i do :)

we took alot of pictures..as usual..upload soon..game the next morning at 8 haha it went okay i didnt do that badly thriving on 3 hrs of sleep got back crashed for an hr plus and here i am still half dead..hope fd3 wakes me up later :)

the one i love..breaking me under

the conflict

2006-02-22T05:33:00.000-08:00

haha back to not blogging anymore..yeah sch is that boring..unless halogen derivatives and integration tutorials are stuff that i wanna remember in future..

anyway there is an interesting clash between the j2 netballers and the j1 ruggers over the table..well it has been the netball table since last yr so how could we budge..well its all quite amusing lah..although i get quite stressed when i am so outnumbered..stupid lazy netballers who come so late in the morning huhhh

well it is looking like the table is ours again..its all good what..

EXCEPT

chio right? haha i know..aint it a wonder that talent scouts havent found me yet..

SO IT IS NOT OVER UNTIL I SAY SO OKAY?!?!?

never even bother to draw abit chioer..DO I LOOK BOTAK TO YOU?!?!

and my eyes quite big lah.. from what angle look like fullstop to you huh?!

haha actually quite funny lah...

haha wah i think i will make quite a good gangster..i always fantasized about doing the 'smash glass bottle against the table' thing

we where got ferrocious huh. so wen rou lah right :))

post vdae

2006-02-14T06:51:00.000-08:00

today was vdae..wow this yr's vdae seems much bigger than last yr in rj..lots of chocolates..and balloons and roses..it wasnt as bad as i expected it to be..anyway surprising valene worked!!! :))) hope she had a wonderful bday/vday..

okay this whole independent/solo act thing is getting alittle too much for me already..some change please :)

i played badly again..i lost the drive that i need i prob wouldnt make it if i continue this way..ah..

my horoscope : It's hard to think of a sign that loves Valentine's Day as much as you do. So while today's astrological agenda is just perfect for bringing people together -- and turning up the tenderness in all our lives, big time -- that goes double for you. No matter who your lucky Valentine happens to be, then, do what comes naturally and make their day: Turn on that smile and let them know how very glad you are they're with you -- as only you can.

what lah..

i want a fish of my own too haha

senseless

2006-02-12T07:53:00.000-08:00

i just watched gothika..omfg..hbo should be killed for showing such shows at such crap timings..my heart flew up..crashed with my brain and nearly fell out of my mouth..ahhhhhhhhh i hope i can sleep later

theres sch tmr. today was very unproductive :(

i think guys' cologne almost always smells pretty much the same..

the past days

2006-02-11T23:06:00.000-08:00

the past week/more than a week that has passed..i have been too lazy to blog/there is pretty much nothing to blog about..anyway yogi ching and kenny have honestly made sch much much much more bearable..esp when we laughed from the freakin canteen(?!) all the way up to stairs to the classroom..and trust me we were very very hysterical and loud.."WHERES oh!" think we are just like lunatics..anyway i skipped sch on fri cause it was very useless and i was really bored of sch..heard mr ngan wrote us a valentine which is the sweetest thing on earth although i havent read it yet..he will be my fav tchr always lah..i hate CEM

those bitches have started calling me poh bu..no one will ever get it..anyway poh bu = fu4 mu3 (parents in hokkien) and ching thinks she's the funniest thing on earth..kenny stop calling me that on ur blog!! it really sounds damn horrible lah

its the season of bad nicknames

the weekend is already ending..trning on sat was killer..its gonna get worse..i want to make it this time..so need to work harder.. anyway i realised i get very frustrated very easily when on court and i'm trying to concentrate and pple keep shouting stuff like "go for it.." "that was urs!!!" ..its like i dont really see the pt of saying all that..of course encouragement works for everyone..but those stuff just make me get all heated up and frustrated..i think i have a short fuse for a lot of stuff recently..

i need to find some purpose

cock it and pull it.

shit ass party

2006-02-05T06:03:00.000-08:00

traffic light was fucked..simply put..haha music was not bad..crowd was crap..too much testerone..too many indians..we kept getting surrounded by weirdos..not like just being arnd..but like the campfire kind where they formed a damn circle arnd us like we are the suckling pig being roasted..

chel my dear girl was too damn effing funny..stop terrorizing and attacking guys lah..you flirt..haha you were the highlight of the night lah..i would go into the details but i know you will kill me.. but oh well you are FAMOUS NOW RACHEL OOI..haha drunk exrg girl..

i am really screwed..every single freakin piece of work undone but i dun seem to care..ooh yeahh..

and today was nervewreaking..my wallet fell out of my bag onto the bus and i think i aged 10 yrs worrying about the wallet or rather the contents of the wallet that i might have lost throughout friggin tuition..this was between moments of dozing off right in the tchr's face with him looking at me with that horrified face..i think i need sleep so screw numerical methods.

feel dumb again

2006-01-31T07:07:00.000-08:00

i feel stupid+dumb+fucked again.. dammit.. screw it

bee's bdayyy

2006-01-31T04:59:00.000-08:00

okay havent uploaded pics from bee's big 18..just something to add on to my entry

my favourite birthday girl who looks gorgeous with her tiara

my favourite photo of the night at fish and co

another reason why we should totally stop drinking at clubs..makes us look so damn fucked up in all the pics taken..makes it seem so funny how we even bother spending time dressing up before that since we are going there to reach that unglam gross state..

theres effing sch tmr..for once i wish i lived in china..they get a really loooonnngggg break for chinese new yr.. :( i hate sch..

i want more nice shirts..i love my music shirt.. :)))

alcoholics

2006-01-27T20:42:00.000-08:00

firstly

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEEE!!!! xoxoxoxo

anyway last night was another one of those nights when everything was just mashed together and when you think back you cant really remember anything concrete about the night..music was damn odd most of the time..i wish i could go back to the state i was in last time when i could just self high on purely music and danced the entire freakin night without stopping..now the reliance on alcohol is horrible and always makes me feel crappy the next morning..sad that mayb couldnt go in the end..be a good girl till sat okay :)

nice little surprise seeing him there..wasnt expecting it..but i'm so over it..ur turn mayb

somehow the damn taste of the shot from xian is suddenly in my mouth..yucks..many of the guys died last night i think..anyway i am not going to bring my cam anymore..realised all the photos end up looking the same and crappy anyway..

hope sijia's sats is going well now..

i love fish leong's si lu..i know i'm cheena and all but the song is friggin nice..

i am hungry..its gonna be reunion lunch soon :)))))) off now..back next (lunar) yr

daisy tan finals

2006-01-23T05:42:00.000-08:00

sunday was daisy tan finals..it was a long long day of games..from 9 up till 4..started the day badly when i mixed up the time and woke up at freakin 8 and guess what time we were supposed to reach kallang..8 haha..freaked the shit out of me i was practically rolling down my stairs..matches were very mentally exhausting cause we pretty much played each team at least 2..played SA 3 times which was honestly very stressful..basically keeping it short we made it to the finals..us against SA and everyone got really hyped up..we "raffles!" (cheered) like a lot alot of times..and we played one hard game and won :))) everyone was so happy..mayb was just nuts..it really rocks to get rewarded with results after you work hard for sthng :))) the gold was def great but being very very honest what made me happier was seeing the team spirit..team morale was high even though trier getting injured last min did make us all a little jittery..could see it in all of their eyes..that they were going all out for every single ball..like how me and sinhui decided that we were going to play so hard we are going to collapse in a pile once the ending whistle sounded..well that didnt happen but it was one great game..and many many many more great games ahead i hope :)) i <3<3<3 rj netball..

haha okay must work harder from now on..we must make it to play at kallang..although we might not be the strongest team skills wise..without any pro foolproof lineup and gigantic tall shooter or whatsoever..but we have the drive to make it..so jia you pple :) 3 months..

okay yup..so anyway today..sch was boring..i am dying again like last time..i am too sleepy to go do my work and i prob wouldnt have time to do them on time..maths s was crappy today..its quite scary though seeing everyone arnd being so serious and focused..ching me and yogi were pretty much the only pple talking the whole time..even though it was just first lec briefing..bio test was screwed up but i have no right to complain so :/

wahh haha i am very boring.okay bye.

daisy tan

2006-01-15T05:58:00.000-08:00

today was daisy tan..we didnt have rain thank god for that..think we did well :))) aey we have potential lah..as long as we all work together on those small little flaws that we have we can do it one :) i am still high from netball that i am shaking a little..or maybe its just the aircon

okay i will go on with the brief boring description of my very cool life in a sec..just let me moan about sthng first..WTFFFFF..i always thought if you do good things you will get good karma and since it was such a rare thing for me all along i have decided to try and take the good path and be a good student who did her work and actually bother handing it in..so here i was..quite sleepy but high after daisy tan..very tempted to go online..but yet i sat down at my damn table and TRIED to do the stupid bio skill a that i remember our cool j3 bio teacher told us to do..for nearly an hr..60 MINS..like 3600 seconds of my life..and after that i SUDDENLY REALISE..the heading of the practical said "skill assessed: B and D"...........

.............

!#$#@$%@!#$@^%!$!@#$@!#!#%!$

okay so after a 7 mins call with yogi on my hp exclaiming about my utmost regret about trying to do this damn piece of work with her laughing at how ridiculous i was..i have decided to make the very important decision of not doing this tamade skill a....

but yogi says i should be a good girl and do it..-groaann-

lets see how boring being online gets..then i will think about it..

so anyway..back to my cool life..me and mayb have embarked on this one-day per wk thing where we go out on sat and have fun..so once a week we get the feeling of having a life so it doesnt get too unfamiliar about 11 months later.. :) we watch a movie a week..this week was "in her shoes" haha very chick flick but i liked it :))) mayb always cries..i dont get which part of the movie was enough to make her waste those tears..well there was this scene that was quite sad..but still?!?! hahha i <3 you still mayb

aiyaaaaa stupid bio..i am thinking about whether i should do it..wahhh i am actually bothered about doing my hw hahhaha i am becoming a nerd..rachel you watch out i am coming back to claim my spot as ex 403 cool mugger okay..

it is very difficult to not think at all..but i realised it gets easier and easier to just push those thoughts to the back once they appear..so as long as you do it fast enough it wouldnt matter anymore..i think..

lonely

2006-01-12T06:56:00.000-08:00

no i do not believe that everyone gets sick just by being under the rain..was it really that weird? for me to walk arnd the track alone in the rain? haha my netballers thought so..haha it is nice what..i love the rain..and i am starting to appreciate how nice and comfortable it can be to be alone (when it is intentional of course..not when i have no friggin friends in the canteen cause i end earlier than them).. i would continue walking if hendrick they all werent calling me to go back in from across the field and many pple gave me weird looks..

school has been not bad..kenny ching they all sure make it more bearable..kenny's psycho on a relatively regular basis though ahha..time really passes MUCH MUCH faster when you pay attention in class..i am working on the convert now..

oh we ran 10 rounds today cause it was raining and rg trning was cancelled..we ran REALLY slowly and the prob is it didnt feel slow..and after that i happily ate so much..and just ate satay..satay..fatness is highly demoralising..

i really like the ending song of the she show..no i do not freakin watch the she show..just caught the ending while surfing channels..oh relalised that i never EVER like songs cause of the lyrics..everyone will go "hey check this song out its lyrics are very meaningful" but songs only appeal to me cause of their melodies.wonder if that means anything..

everyone is getting so tired already..not physically..but just inside..all worn out..and its the 2nd wk..

is it wrong to feel lonely sometimes? even if ur friends are with you and you are laughing with them but yet it just feels as though gravity is dragging ur heart to ur stomach? i dont get it..how just listening to some songs just dig out those emotions that i try to hide all the time..but it still delights me when i find songs that i relate to..i think i sound self obsessed..

wonder if we do expire eventually..

ahh its the song..fuck it all

is it just me?

last break

2006-01-10T03:52:00.000-08:00

last night was aiight..home was practically empty when we reached early cause chel was supposed to help out..we ended up sitting at coffee bean playing 5,10,15 and ji goh bah..sijia was highly amused whenever i said "ji gou" anyway it all picked up..with some idiotic part about wearing a gay tag cause we didnt have ids but we got it off and got our drinks in the end anyways

music rocked..too tired to go on dancing for long though..i finally found out the title of the song that i tried to find out the last time at zouk.. :))) nothing much to mention..amusing conversations by the river between sijia and marcus..photowhoring..zac saying that i am les..anyway that was it..no more for me and jia..until the hols at least..we must convert..i will keep to my word this time..i wonder if they sell guidebooks at popular to teach pple how to become muggers..cause i think i really need some help or i am so damn screwed..anyways got my maths s..surprised at how unexcited i was about it..but haha of course i am glad..moral of the story is short and sweet is always good..haha totally -_- when i found out everyone wrote freakin essays for the reasons part for the appeal and i just wrote 3 arrows of points that prob added up to less than 30 words..ah screw that

i really want to go to sentosaaa..i must be a good girl from now :)

i told you already mayb..you cannot wash ur hair once a week!

no even if you act cute also no use okay!

netball is always troubling

2006-01-05T06:17:00.000-08:00

haha today wasnt that bad..i realised that school really passes ALOT ALOT faster if you pay attention in class..today for the first time ever in jc..and i've already been in jc for 1 yr mind you..i finally payed attention to 2 lectures in a row..please understand that its a great accomplishment for me..i will try and keep up the good work :)

i realised that my thursdays are going to be really tiring..today right after i ended at 4 had to rush down to rg already..next time theres gay physic s..till 5? den have to rush down straight for trning..hahaha i want to grumble...

anyway game today was okay..i was quite stressed..we got to see what we really needed to work on..the first time the team played an official friendly i thought we were pretty aiight :) just hope everyone just believes in themselves and the team a tiny bit more..and it will all work out..very nice seeing everyone (almost!) trying their bestest to work things out after the game..to actually want to continue trying it out...damn the rain..it'll all be good..

alittle depressing when ms chng asked me to play WD..its just like old times leh..i like playing defence :( i've played defence the whole damn yr..but yeahh i know i need to get past that and just do what i can in whatever i am playing..but i want to hold on to my defence spot..which means more more more work when the j1s are in..haha exciting :D

anyway school is booorrrinnggg..i swear i'm dying..i think i should stop blogging..when my life is boring i should not blog anymore..i am tired..i like subway..i dont know what i am talking about..my sister is really noisy she is a pest..i end at 12 tmr..but i have nothing to do after that.. hahahah siao lah..its ching and kenny's influence

its farewell?

2006-01-04T06:41:00.000-08:00

i was supposed to be doing work for a while before sleeping.. but decided tonight was prob quite a good time to just record all these down before it just brushes past me without me realising just like how many things already did..

haha they were one bunch of pple i swear i would have never thought of hanging out with..but somehow we all did..now to think about it i dont even remember how it all started..we all just sorta somehow weirdly merged some way or another..if you told me few months ago that things would be like this i will seriously tell you to go hibernate somewhere and talk to urself..but haha

just few nights of everyone having great fun..and of course with the help of alchohol we all got somehow acquainted..as much as it is still damn weird..i sure did enjoy their company..a little drama+comedy here and there but it was all a..umm fresh breath of air as they call it? def not what i was expecting..

from practically strangers till now when one of their names will just naturally weave into our conversations..didnt take much but sure was sthng..so i guess it will prob change after tmr..how much i wouldnt know..we'll see about that but yeah it sure wouldnt be the same..so this would just be sthng to remind me of that quirky bunch..

and hope those guys will not have it too hard in there..but come to think of it..how can anything be easy without hair?

hmm alright.. :) for old times sake..haha PEACE

nye

2006-01-02T01:36:00.000-08:00

haha a very late entry on new year's eve..okay spent the day at mayb's place watching laguna beach and watchin her cry..i love love love laguna..den we had damn nice dinner her dad's cooking rocks..oh sijia was coming to her house and she took a cab from yio chu kang mrt to her place which usually took about 15 mins of walking and she took about 45 mins to reach..it was funny looking for her with mayb and calling out for her.. "da wannnn where are you???"

so we got ready cabbed down to ngee ann which was full of bloody bangras.. i hate them they are not discreet about staring at all..they just stare right at ur boobs..you know how singaporeans even the perverts they will at least look at ur face first den look through the corner of their eye at ur boobs..maybe some form of quality control or whatsoever..the bangras..JUST TURN THEIR HEADS AND STARE RIGHT AT UR BOOBS..

i was so pissed off with the stupid snow spray thing i swore that the next person who sprayed at me i was going to throw the damn can at his head..

anyway yup we went in..it was so nice seeing diane and mindy :)))))) charmie too..although she wasnt exactly with us for long..haha too much alcohol we were all raving lunatics..counting down was the bomb.. oh i made peace already okay..yup many many rj pple for some odd reason..there was love in the air too..for my friends lah of course.. haha highlight of the night..you guys already know cause i've already gushed about a million times..haha :)))) i dont like looking older lehh..

okay haha lack of details is due to the inability to remember much from the night..anyway i have decided that i have had my share of alcohol induced fun..no more for me..i promise..

oh and i am deaddd..i need to start on my holiday hw..i have less than 12 hrs left dammit

i love my friends

2005-12-30T08:14:00.000-08:00

hahahha i love them lah..thank you chel and char for ur very detailed explanations on how to use a tampon and the drawings even..hahahah <3<3<3 you guys have no ideaa..

hope it will be so damn fuckin good tmr..we all deserve one good night

happy new yr's eve :D

upset

2005-12-29T07:41:00.000-08:00

zouk was very very boring..i am starting to hate the place..it is just too damn packed..i was getting all neurotic..i dont want to go there anymore...it was saddening when we had no free drinks..realised the benefits of having guys with us when i was squeezing through the damn army just to reach the bar..

the night got me pure confused..i dont want to play anymore..game over..hated how exasperated it/he made me feel..i dont really know what to believe/do anymore..i'll just take the safer way out..thats how i have reacted to it all for the 17 yrs of my life anyway..why cant things just be simple and clear..no need to interpret or guess anything..grrr...damn

i HATED that i did not have the right to even be bothered/angry about it..i will just stay home and mug everyday from now okay..hows that?

haha okay whatever..i ate too much i feel damn fat..fish and co followed by dessert at nydc..when the waiter at nydc actually recognises you it is a sign that you are eating there too much..i feel like a hot air balloon..

and yes i think i should blog more often cause i realise i have very short term memory and if i continue bloggin when i am 60 i might still have some memories left..

people always ask why we always hang arnd only with girls..its simple..cause girls just understand better..hanging out with mayb and aileen felt great..i <3 my girl friends

dxo

2005-12-09T07:04:00.000-08:00

i have friends who have great potential of becoming virtuous wives in future

sijia says:
i learnt how to cook a freaking egg
sijia says:
which i have learnt
sijia says:
is life threatening
sijia says:
because oil splatter is such a bitch

been too lazy to blog..being online is just a bore now..dxo party passed by in such a flash it felt like it was only 1 when it all ended..free flow is the new love of my life..after talking to aileen just now i came to a conclusion that it is no longer possible for us to get high just on music with minimum alcohol as we did in the past..how saddening..

oh there was excessive drama on dxo night..i dont get it when small things get blown out of proportion..

anyway i miss having chel arnd already..so its 2 days before heading for taiwan and shopping till i drop..think i will gain 10kg when i come back..excited :D

but the saddening part is the hols would be practically over by the end of my trip...i hate sch..esp j2 sch..:(((

gayness

2005-11-29T05:31:00.000-08:00

haha i just realised how gay i usually sound in my entries..today was such a slacked-away day..went for trning..lunch with the netballers..shopped for hair dye..came home and slept till 7..anyway main purpose of entry is to finally use the cool photo upload option on blogspot that i never ever used before..so some fav photos from the past days..
the gang

she's mine

my chionging partner

my fav girl

gay five questions

2005-11-29T05:09:00.000-08:00

nana i swear this is gay..haha

"Rules of the game: Post 5 Weird and Random facts about yourself, then at the end list the names of 5 people who are next in line to do this. Don't forget to leave a comment that says "You are tagged" in their blog and tell them to read yours."

okay

1. I have triple eyelid for my right eye cause when i was very young there was some weird growth in my eyelid..you know the type pple said you get from peeping at someone bathe or watching porn too much..and the doctor told my mum that if it didnt reduce in size i would have to go for op and my mum freaked out and squeezed the damn thing for me..leaving me with cool eyelids for life

2. I dont like washing my jeans..i dont see the point since it doesnt ever seem to get dirty/smelly and it takes so damn long to dry fully

3. I need to have 4 pillows to properly sleep..one for my head one being my bolster one to place behind my back and one more beside the one behind my back..and the last one does matter..i feel weird and cant really fall asleep when its not there..

4. I think i have some obsession whereby i need to have food in my mouth all the time..after i finish eating one meal even if i am full already i will keep thinking about the next thing i want to eat until i start craving for it and i will eat again and so i swear i eat nonstop..ask my friends

5. I need to have the corner of my pillow in between my second and third fingers to sleep

haha okay i choose chel mel guay charmie liching and kenny to do this damn thing :)

lovin it at black

2005-11-26T07:08:00.000-08:00

lack of updates due to permanent state of laziness and stoning arnd..yup black yesterday..supposed to go early..watch the bands but in the end we ended up only watching the last band which was coincidentally titus's..haha it was not bad..i loved 2/3 of the songs..haha titus has gay hair..

it was very fun due to everyone being so damn high and just hilarious with sijia talking nonsense with that gong look on her face..rachel had her share of excitement..many many funny rj pple whom we all didnt know/really know before last night and yet with the help of alcohol and loud music..it seemed like we all knew each other for ages and all..i like it that at clubs pple usually let their guards down..no hesitations no restrictions with everyone just saying hi and having fun without worrying about usual insignificant shit..life should be like that where everyone just enjoyed everyone's company without making things too complicating..

anyway i had fun..loved the crowd..many many hot girls..no invasion of j1s..sucky music though..but it was just all cheery and fun i guess..oh so i was very very unwilling to go home even when sijia they all wanted to leave at 3+..i wanted to stay but yeah it prob wasnt a smart thing to do..haha so we left..and i freaking woke up at 7 for trning..i think i am the pro..and the coolest part..i've been pretty much out since now which is like near 11pm..i think i will prob collapse tmr.. haha last night reignited my desire to party my life away again..but yeah there were bad parts which i am not going to go into details about and spoil the night..ah well.. haha i think it really is karma..what he's doing now is the exact same way i have treated too many guys..i think i should start doing more good deeds and all.. haha it was a good wakeup call..not worth my time..

oh yes many many pple were pinching my cheeks and grabbing my face and all yesterday..i have no idea why at all..so weird..made me feel like a kid..which i weirdly liked..i am getting too weird..i start chem tuition tmr..how gay is that..

i thought i had alot of things to blog about..but i forgot about it all already..i think i need sleep soon

coffee club

2005-11-18T07:51:00.000-08:00

i realised that i am eating continuously nowadays..sijia says i am a pig..i eat so much i think theres sthng wrong with me..after i finish one meal i will start thinking about what else i feel like eating and if i didnt feel like eating initiallly..when i keep thinking about food i will feel hungry again and eat more..this is a very bad vicious cycle..

rachel is very evil..she put gay pics of me on her blog

i just read shu's pg on friendster...saw the pics with the touch ruggers and all and felt a tinge of sadness..cant help but wish i was part of the m1 com and be one of the many owners of the jerseys all lined up on the field..and i really miss touch rug.. hmm.. :(

fat

i dont like waiting..i hate you lah

photowhore

2005-11-16T05:31:00.000-08:00

haha okay..i am not going to be in self denial anymore..i am a photowhore...so are like most/all of my closer friends..just uploaded like 5 albums of photos..we need to quit this addiction..i used to have the time to write captions for every single damn photo and now i dont even have enough time to upload all the pics..

its been too long since we partied i feel abit deprived..was in my stoned hibernating state the whole day today..when will our nxt good party been..its been tooooo long..

booooored..

tanning

2005-11-15T07:28:00.000-08:00

trning today was fun..smashed/sprained/injured my thumb..its double its original size and hurts like a bitch..but i'm into self healing so yup

tanning today was quite fun..its rare to see me actually look red in the cheeks..nice seeing the girls..i ate too much today..i feel fat..

ouch i cant type

sijia is a moron

2005-11-10T07:28:00.000-08:00

i didnt feel like blogging..but cause of my wonderful darlin sijia i feel the urge to spread the joy of what a joker she is..as usual she was grumbling about her being fat and stuff spilling out and all..details spared..and so we got to dieting..and my dear friend sijia said "oh i cant diet..if i eat less i will get gastric" -_-..

anyway night safari was much funner than expected..more class outings maybe? photos will be up soon..when i actualy get down to uploading..

i think i might have lost the desire to club..rachel..i am going to become like you soon..this is saddening..maybe i should abstain till 25th or sthng..sighh..

grumpy..i hate being grumpy..

rachel i dont want to share v**** with you..you have ur fishball anyway

zouk

2005-11-03T04:24:00.000-08:00

haha mambo last night was VERY amusing..i swear it is damn tiring trying to follow the gay actions but the atmosphere is very very high-inducing..just ask mayb and aileen..photo whoring..horrifying meetings..weird handphone communicating..free drinks from VERY old guys..shouting song lyrics at the top of our lungs..haha i love you girls i swear..even though i did look alittle bored i know..BUT i really had fun :D more of such nights aiight..

this is gay but i swear qing wa makes me get all high and giggly and un-me..all these stupid sweet dramas just make it all too perfect and sweet..except the korean ones where the girls always die dammit..oh well at least it gets me all so happy..sijia knows what i mean :D okay..pw is really gross btw..and i'm hooked onto dance dance by fallout boy..its the best song to blast on the ipod i swear..aiight..time for work

newsroom

2005-11-01T08:45:00.000-08:00

haha first time at newsroom was horrible..okay i am sorta getting why everyone has stopped bloggin about our nights despite us going into such details about those nights in the past..anyway too crowded..too hot..small dancefloor..too many weird uncles who should be at home rubbing their stomachs and playing mahjong instead..sucky music..yup trning tmr..then mambo at zouk..free entry is always good :D aiight hope tmr will be better..

haha oh yes..comfort is good..haha knowing more just makes me less confident about it all.. :D

netball

2005-10-27T07:03:00.000-07:00

back from trning..its all rainy outside makes me wanna go sleep but i am still waiting for dear michelle to come online so we can complete the proposal thingie..good trning..happy that everyone got down to doing all those tiring stuff although it was prob quite hard for every single one of them..haha just had a half hr chat with ms sim on MY HP!! i am screwed..but it was worth it..helped me figure out what was more impt and what was really essential for it all to work..so all those immature emotions would have to be left behind for a while..it will all be fine with time..that was what i was trying to tell her but more impt reassure myself about..haha ah well

last day of sch tmr...and after that..no more j1 :( i realised this morning..i totally wasted my whole j1 yr away..i had like no purpose no goals..just stumbled along every day starting each day the same way..sleeping till the bell rang at the rg table..slacking arnd sch doing nothing..eating non stop skipping lecs..haha sorta explains the results..it will change next yr i promise :P but haha with me still skipping lecs now its gonna be a hard hard yr next yr trying to catch up..

my ares is screwed up..it doesnt want to connect so i cant search for my songs to dl :( i love the feeling of after trning..yes ah dah i understand the whole clean and happy after bathing thing already..i swear i am high after every trning..no matter how tiring it is..ah well..yesterday was nice..we'll see where it heads..

okay..excited about monday..its been too long since we partied..

fcpness

2005-10-21T20:51:00.000-07:00

hmm seems like it all ends with girls getting hurt..no matter how happy the girls may seem at first..maybe being single is an advantage that we havent really got to understand..i hate it that guys have the power to make girls feel all so screwed up and irrational..and that is regardless of any type of girl..no matter how different all their personalities are..how tough or strong they may be regarding other matters..how happy and carefree they usually are..for those fleeting moments of happiness is it worth it to put ourselves out there like that?

a teeny bit sweet

2005-10-21T09:17:00.000-07:00

okay open house was really gay..we did pretty much nothing besides stealing super rings from the goodie bags and eating more at the canteen..i am really starting to look pregnant damn it.. talk with ms sim was troubling..made me realise that it is all gonna be a great heap of work that will be awfully exhausting..oh well..ended with me and dah going to the cool lt which was so cooling and empty and coming to the realization that teachers can actually see us all pretty damn clearly from where they were..stoning arnd..being chased by gross hongmin with flour..it was quite a boring day

but impromptu is always good :D there are many cool places in serangoon i realised..just not discovered..all nice and comfortable..suhweet..meeting ups are always good

oh tennis was gay with trier sinhui and valene..we picked many balls many many times..conclusion of the day..netballers should stick to netball..oh welll it was still counted as quite a good day i guess? i stink of smoke..i need to bathe again

sakuraa

2005-10-20T06:30:00.000-07:00

haha okay today was funner than i thought..trning was off in the end..haha this really shouldnt continue this way..but anyway yup so we settled the gay open hse board for tmr..sorta..then sakura buffet with dah jia hendrick johnston geri..it was quite exciting with so much food and pretty good company..food was not bad i thought it was pretty worth the bucks..then kboxed cause of some crappy misleading offer from the buffet..but either ways it was quite fun..beegees cool songs with overly high guys..me and jia's love songs..respective pple getting all cozy and making me feel all spastic and warm inside as usual..

i am very very sleepy..open house is very dumb..i want to club..i feel very fat now

fabulous movie aiight

2005-10-19T07:11:00.000-07:00

haha okay..its been reaaally long since i last blogged because i have honestly lost the urge and desire to blog due to various factors..but cause sthng very cool happened today i have to write it down just so i can remember it for the rest of my life

today me and mayb watched the most fabulous movie showing in theatres now..everlasting regret..also known as the sammi cheng show that caused her to go mad..when we reached cine show was already going to start so we rushed and went in only to find a theatre full of relatively old pple..like above 30 in general..so then we settled down quickly and tried to understand what was going on..cause when we came it the show started already

with our very loud munching of popcorn we both tried very hard to pay attention to the show and pretend that we understood what was going on..until the numerous weird sex scenes kept appearing with crappy stuff like sammi cheng lying in this extremely awkward position on daniel wu's thigh smelling him and all that shit..and mayb's stupid statement about how china pple and pple in the oc made out differently..and asked why when china pple made out their upper lips so red..and the show just got more and more huh?!?! it was really wth..with sammi cheng looking permanently 30 yrs old and all her friends and classmates and crap becoming old and dying off and yet at 60+ yrs old she manages to have wild sex with some 20+ yr old guy who kills her in the end with a pillow..all i remember about the show..was daniel wu's very odd moustache..many many scenes of them drinking tea and smoking..and odd passionate sex..so simply put..the movie did not make sense..but it was still nice to catch a movie after so long..

so anyway me and mayb have decided we are going to pretend that we totally got the show and tell everyone it is a pretty damn good movie.. 10 out of 5 bites! we will prob appear very intellectual and deep so yup..please catch the movie pple :D

all screwed up once more

2005-10-13T06:08:00.000-07:00

2 papers back was enough to start off my depression streak..screwed up my chem..it felt all so familiar again..being the lousiest few..or rather lousiest in class now? just like in 403 when i just felt retarded with negative iq..i shall not go on about how almost all my mistakes were so retarded i wanted to pluck out my hair seeing them..cause i see too many insensitive retards going arnd announcing to the whole world about how they screwed up and shit and that they had 65435743543687 million careless mistakes and when you ask them what they get they go "oh..A lorh" like its the most friggin duh thing in the world..maybe i should quit sch and become a nun or sthng :D

anyway the results didnt bother me that much at first..as in i wasnt depressed and all..but then my dear mayb went into the whole she couldnt/wouldnt/shouldnt go tmr thing..which got me all bothered..not that i was blaming her for it or anything but everyone knows i have kena-pangsehed-phobia..haha so anyway now she cant go and everyone is very sad..maybe we'll still have fun? the getting high would not be a "may" but a "must" now..seeing how life is gonna get worse next wk on..why cant sch just end? its times like these that make me wanna just get the hell out of this shithole..the whole s papers shit is getting on my nerves..

haha oh well..i'll be fine..i always do..just give a few moments yeah?

pics up

2005-10-09T07:19:00.000-07:00

haha photos up my dears..i know you guys cant wait to drool at ur hot selves..

you guys were totally great company..more good times to come..many more albums full of our pics on shutterfly :D cant wait for fri

partyin my ass off

2005-10-09T02:13:00.000-07:00

haha okay chinablack on fri indochine on sat..life is totally beautiful now

black was not bad..aiight i guess..been so long since i felt so young among the crowd..poly guys do dance loads better than jc dudes..hmm why? oh it was nice feeling so busy from reading all my bdae msges at black haha there were many gay fags with body waves and rotating hips..pretty disturbing

indochine felt like a sch gathering..many many rj pple..overly high cj j1s.. music was good though..surprised that we still had the energy to party so hard after black..

haha its true that you enjoy urself more when you dont expect anything..oh i want to find out the title of my cool clap clap song :( haha just another reason to go back to black more often..such a gorgeous place..

better go upload the pics before the girls nag and nag again..haha <3 those girls..

bored is not the right word here

2005-09-11T09:29:00.000-07:00

haha okay i actually dont understand why pple can still blog now..arent blogs for us to go on about our lives and all? so how the HELL do you blog when you dont have a life?! haha that is the very cool state i am in now..the last time i got high and excited was when i was chitchatting with jiajia at mccafe at 10pm and i heard a nice cool song that i didnt have in my ipod..

i realised that i have many many photos with the same pple doing the same thing having the same expressions just different clothes different makeup..and i realised we always have very very long heart to heart chats..

i forgot to mention i have The piano exam again tmr..please dont ask me why i am taking it again..i already performed voodoo on my piano tchr..only good thing about it is i get to miss sch..why cant sch end already..please let me not freak out tmr

oh yes..VMAs was hot! :D

4 more unbearable wks..3 more disgustingly boring saturdays..

But I don't want somebody Who's loving everybody I need a shy guy He's the kinda guy who'll only be mine Oh lord have mercy mercy mercy Di man dem in a di party party party Di ole a dem look sexy sexy sexy Watch dem just a Follow me follow me follow me Have mercy mercy mercy But none a dem no move me move me move me Shy guy a weh me wanty wanty wanty Only him can make me irie irie irie

out of touch

2005-08-31T08:56:00.000-07:00

it all came back when i was telling them about it..i hate the feeling of trying to hold my tears back..you cant blame me..i really dont get it often..crying is just not really my thing..ah we are all good at the whole pretending to be a happy family thing..till the next time i guess..well i guess it really doesnt matter does it? everyone has some tough part in their lives that they have to grit their teeth and go on dealing with anyway..lets just all pretend that everything's just fine..

i can live with it anyway..i already did for 16 yrs didnt i?

haha okay anyway..dinner with sijia and dah was great..they make me realise what a miracle it has been for us to meet and become parts of each other's lives..i'm not really into the whole thankful crap but yeah..for them..its a different story..i'm even willing to say the gay "friends forever" crap for them..haha we are such a great eg of how time is not the determining factor of friendships huh :D <3 we should set an anniversary date dont you think?

anyway yup..tmr will mark the start of my mugging session..i'm so behind schedule i'm pretty freaked out about screwing up too badly..haha tonight was too tempting..mambo..coco..seeing the few arnd town..haha 5 wks of abstinence

wish the day would come soon..when i will actually like and be proud of who i really am..when all that those insignificant individuals think and do will no longer matter to me anymore..think its gonna be a while till then though..haha oh well

interhouse floorball :D

2005-08-26T07:37:00.000-07:00

haha today has been one of those days which seem insignificant and normal but end up being one of the very few fun sch days..maths test was crappy and too rushed..gp was wth as usual and physics mock spa..kenny was high again..we were all high as usual..i have no idea what the pendulum bob or the oscillations do to us..haha kenny was very very amusing..

anyway after sch i was supposed to head home at 12 for once and sleep my very very long afternoon nap but decided it was a friday and i really shouldnt be going home..so was going to stay arnd wait for shu and cat to go ikea or sthng..then i changed my mind and was going to study in the library or sthng..in the end i didnt get any work done..but hope it wasnt a wasted afternoon...you feelin better my dear cat? hope you are <3

so suddenly i was called to play interhouse floorball..when i was halfway through my tei bing and curry puff so i didnt want to play..later we walked to the gym to take a look and it was so tempting :D:D so exciting..adrenaline..haha so in the end i played..it was very fun :D i thought we did relatively aiight although it wasnt really reflected in the results but as long as we had fun which i think we did..haha there are many nice nice pple in rj that i dont know yet..i should just smile more or sthng..or just join more interhouse stuff haha

anyway i was going to blog more about interhouse..but i just got distracted by dear brenda who just got me to realise after next wk tue i will never ever see my eye candy again :( thursdays are gonna SUCK big time..i am really sad now..and joce was stil saying i was hua chi today..no more chance to be hua chi anymore..i feel like singing BSB's "incomplete" now..haha ogay..i'm off i need sleep..floorball is FRIGGIN tiring game..how can pple tahan..

dying

2005-08-24T08:34:00.000-07:00

its all school now..thats all the life is now..with no trning no more slackin arnd in town till 10+ talking thrash..except sats maybe..haha studying schedule out but falling further and further behind..too many spas mock spas tests this wk i'm tired..all i have to look forward to is sat, my study date with dah at cool serangoon..haha and dinner of course..haha i swear..we all just get so high and crappy during physics tuition it is actually quite fun :D aiight..just realised i am supposed to do my maths till q10 by tmr and i'm at q6..and its so late already..eyebags here i come

kelvin

2005-08-17T07:01:00.000-07:00

i've no idea why i am that upset..the judges are so biased! junyang is not even that great..why the hell do they give him so high marks for? haha i cant believe i am getting all worked up over a gay chan u show..but kelvin is damn good what..junyang is skilled but i just dont feel anything when he sings..kelvin obviously cant control his voice as well but you can hear the emotions! haha okay i sound gay

but why doesnt anyone see how hard it is for him..so poor thing..other contestants just have to sing and they are all so nervous and all already..he actually has to worry bout walking off stage or falling off..he could just stand there and all but he stil tries to walk arnd and all just to be as normal as the other contestants..can see that he is trying so hard and yet the judges are shooting him down like that..and no it is not about pitying him..he really has the talent doesnt he? i was so damn friggin upset as the judges criticized and shoot him down song after song and yet you can still see him trying his best and all..cant other pple feel his pain?!

okay i dont believe i just blogged a whole entry about superstar..anyway i am thinking about whether i should quit touchrug..reallyreally really love the game..but with netball and my very screwed up studies..and turning up for only occasional trnings being unfair to the rest and all maybe i should..hmmm

kelvin called the director to apologise for having to make changes to the next mtv to suit him! he is so brave..urgh..hope he knows how great he is and not be affected by all those shitty pple out there

Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. says:chin u're one mad body part

haha quote of the day from amanda tan..i miss that girl so much

testing my patience

2005-08-16T08:04:00.000-07:00

school has been crappy..blue slipped first time in my life..too damn troublesome..next time i'm just gonna slip out of school w/o doing all that crap..studying was aiight..not exactly very productive..already decided that i am going to just come home after school straight away cause i prob can study best at home although studying with friends in the library sound totally tempting and fun..

anyway too many pple have been testing my patience seriously..i am losing my ability to tahan and smile and pretend it is alright all the time..feel like whacking pple sometimes.. oh well..i really should start studying..starting to feel that i am going to be damn screwed for promos..havent even got my studying plan out..sigh i am dead..arghh everything is just so screwed up..

i realised how uncomfortable it makes me feel when pple actually truly know what is going through my mind..

i love chel and mayb

2005-08-12T07:35:00.000-07:00

the sch is really such a great place at night..when you are sitting in the canteen and its all dark and breezy and peaceful..it really is one of the nicest few places i know of..today it was even greater with the company of my darlings mayb and chel who came over..

we were high as usual..i love them so much although they kept embarrassing me over and over again..so glad they were there to listen to me vent it all out..you know how some of the most memorable times always occur at most unexpected times and seem the most insignificant but yet you remember them for life for some weird reason? this was one of those times :D

omfg i just heard the funniest thing..ever..pple who watched charlie and the chocolate factory..remember the oompa loompas? how they were indian for some weird reason..new observation made..he actually looks friggin like nathan..as in our president? i would put both of their pics here but i am computer illiterate and would never be able to figure out how to do it..so please go take a look at the oompa loompas again..cause they do indeed look alot alot like nathan..maybe this will help gain votes for his run for presidency

charlie and the chocolate factory

2005-08-10T07:59:00.000-07:00

haha today was charlie and the chocolate factory day..it was a pleasant surprise when i and aileen found out tics were 7 bucks only..my last movie was friggin mr and mrs smith which i fell asleep in btw..i have no life now..haha so anyway it was a nice little date with aileen..we are such photowhores..took loads of pics which she is rushing me to upload..

the movie was such a childhood fantasy..i knew all the lines that the characters said by heart..i never knew i already had the whole book in my mind from the many many many times i read the book when i was young..it was so nice and familiar seeing it on screen..the oompa lumpas were a little weird..why were they..or rather he..indian?! so weird..haha anyway i did like the movie..

studying at coffee club was pretty productive honestly but i still didnt half complete my damn tutorial which is due tmr i think..i really need to get my brain back to sch work..anyway yup it was all work and some photos and gossiping and a few songs on my ipod and then dinner at yoshi and fullblown gossipin after that..haha the pple in yoshi thought we were nuts we were totally behaving like bimbos..haha i really appreciate having pple to talk/complain/be psycho to..

i am screwing with my own brain i swear..haha i wish i had a personal psychiatrist by my side all the time to tell me what the hell is going on in there..make things simple as they actually are..i am not doing this to myself anymore..even though i know i can handle it its not worth it..no more..

why am i always in depression when i think of sch..someone please infect me with the DESIRE to learn and al that shit so that i will want to go to sch?

haha i think i'm going crazy..wtf

gotham for the second time :D

2005-08-08T23:55:00.000-07:00

gotham was aiight..super packed..i got alittle grumpy thinking about how crowded it was going to be..the queue was friggin abnormally long..haha i decided to just follow this grp of pple who were re-entering or sthng and we managed to reach the front of the queue in seconds :D so then there was a second queue to get through the bouncer and stuff and we just told some guy we were gloria's friend and he just brought all of us in without queueing and all that shit which totally rocked i swear..so yeah we had it easy which was prob the best part of the night

music was pretty good..i drank like one jug myself and drank too fast so got alittle high..the friggin speakers actually spoiled in the middle of the night..so everyone just sat arnd for ages which was ridiculous..diane didnt get into gotham in the end which was quite sad..hongmin mx they all also..many of the usual pple werent there either which was quite weird..oh but i saw evan for a bit but we didnt get a proper photo together..i'm still beating myself up for not taking pics in the club since i had my friggin cam with me all the time..damn.. yeah exhausted by the end of the night..marks the end of all these till 8th oct..thats when it all begins :D

okay so now its back to school..time to get down to proper work..or i'm pretty much screwed..

2005-08-07T08:01:00.000-07:00

haha suffering from extreme highness at 11pm is seriously not good for health..haha i am having sudden urges to like scream or sthng..haha no idea why..tmr's gonna be a great day..sports carn..netball and touch rug..maybe we can win both :D haha heard sch ends at 11pm..which is great..then prob hang about then head for chels and then its gotham..its really exciting cause my dear diane's going.. :D and my girls and hongmin and co. hahaha maybe my highness has sthng to do with the time of the mth..haha okay csi miami time

rav

2005-07-31T00:44:00.000-07:00

once again i went against my own words and returned to rav..haha couldnt be helped..plans for madam wongs fell apart and we decided our best bet was rav..anyway before that we all hung arnd chel's while they got dressed and we all got ready..girl fun..more photos..i was just mentioning how we have so many photos of us looking almost the same..haha well who can suppress the narcissistic part of us huh?

cabbed down..early once again..only i got through at first cause i was the only one with id all thanks to aileen..anyways too few pple couldnt rotate..ate calbee potato chips :D i'm such a junkie..so anyway waited for AGES..no ids cause there were so few girls i swear there was not even 5 legal girls in there..bouncer and door bitch didnt help..friggin strict due to spastic calls about a raid later..frustrating wait outside from 10-1 as one by one they got through and finally all 6 of us were in..chel me sijia ying hongmin huili..rachel heng got in later..bessie gloria wendy got in as well..heard bouncer let all 17 yr olds in later when he confirmed there wasnt gonna be a raid -_- friggin screwed i swear..

night was pretty good..i wasnt expecting much..maybe thats why..we were all so high when all of us finally got in..that helped too..haha last night was the first time our dear chel got probs with the bouncer..so funny how she always makes it through zouk bouncers and yet gets bounced at friggin rav..ogay so anyway that marks my last party till 8th oct :D cant wait till then..so now the hard part is converting to the model rj student..and get some of that chem spa skill a crap and 1646773 topics of bio into my brain..maybe a nap will help...later :p

its lookin better now

2005-07-28T06:55:00.000-07:00

as usual i am not gonna blog about anything about my insignificant sch day...trning today was nice..it was tiring and dreadful at first and all..but it did turn out well..zhenhui came down..trained with us and all..helped us with our passes..thought she was really great..and maybe just havin a snr down prob got all of us more serious about what we were doin and all..it was starting to feel right again

but the best part was after trning in the canteen or by our bags..when everyone was just chatting and all and seemed to be so comfortable and all with everyone else..and setting a date to watch charlie and the chocolate factory as our netball outing :D its def lookin better already..all fallin into place

six hats for civics is honestly gay but i'll learn to live with it..i paid more attention during that than lectures okay!! haha alfred chan is hilarious i swear

jue dui superstar

2005-07-27T07:15:00.000-07:00

haha just spent the whole night watching tv..jue dui superstar..okay it is indeed quite a gay show when you watch it at first..but it gets quite addictive..haha i always had a thing for pple who could sing so :D anyway..derrick did really well i thought..his dancing was def the best although it wasnt brilliant but he was relatively confident which helped loads i think and his voice is really nice

but kelvin was so impressive..firstly i dont even know how he found the courage to participate even though he is blind and all..and can really see how hard he tries..when he grinned so widely after the judges gave him his marks..even though it wasnt even the highest you could just see how satisfied he was with what he had..that he really tried and all..my day was so exhausting but somehow his smile just lit me up..just so innocent and all..i have no idea how to explain it but maybe thats why i always had such a thing for little kids..how their faces show everything they are thinking and feeling..no hypocrites who are smiling right in front of you but thinking of how to get you down inside..everything is just right there in front of you..so anyway..i thought his voice was the best..besides the problem with being too nasal..haha its so cool how pple can sing so well that when they sing even pple who are just watching them on tv can feel emotions and all..totally impressive..

so anyway..derrick was so cute :D his hat was just adorable..haha back to my shallow normal self..my itunes and ipod are totally screwing up..very depressing..i've got to fix it soon..feel so lost without my ipod..

fucked up napfa

2005-07-26T06:23:00.000-07:00

i dont like to regret doing things..and i really seldom regret about stuff..but redoing my run today..i truly regretted..damn dumb..i have no idea why it was like that..yeah i think i can only run when someone is pacing me..but that doesnt make me feel better about my fucked up fitness.. its just more than the grade to me lah..i dont really give a shit about getting 30 for napfa..just that the run just allows me to see how lousy my determination is..that i give up so easily and all..normally i dont give up about stuff i want to achieve..but what is up with running seriously that i just cant get..just makes me feel lousy..hahaha to think i was laughing about trier getting all upset about her shuttle run..like i am any better..

i just feel lousy..small things always get me to feel lousy.. i think sthng is seriously wrong with me..feeling like crap..okay i am going to talk to the wall..

piano exam

2005-07-25T03:42:00.000-07:00

piano exam day..skipped a whole day of sch which rocked..what sucked was the exam itself..haha i think i am fated to never ever pass my piano..wasnt that nervous but just screwed it up i think..still crossing my fingers for a pass..

oh photos up..jia and chel..i'm not that lazy..see i got the photos up pretty soon right :D

so its sch again tmr..no idea whats gonna be happening at trning tmr..wish we could get a coach down soon..then maybe everything will be more stabilized and in control..

i think i might actually like sch alittle..it felt weird to not go to sch today

haha oh saturday night with jia and chel was fun..we are always thrash talking..nydc is still my fav place in the world.. :D

ogay dinner time..later

napfa

2005-07-21T06:41:00.000-07:00

dont remember anything from the school day itself..only remembered it was a long day but somehow it passed quite fast..and alfred chan is the funniest thing on earth..i was reading my csi book in his class and he saw..he grabbed the book from my hand and looked at the cover before saying "aey aey i read before already..want me to tell you the ending anot?" haha for his sake i will try and study harder for my chem..

oh and lim boon siong is damn nice too..gave me my one mark for physics so i got an O instead..so technically..didnt fail? 2 Os, B and C..haha ogay its time to start working hard man

anyway..'highlight' of the day..my wonderful day..was having to take napfa at 4 right after sch..five items and 2.4 together and consecutively..i was hoping we could do 2.4 first cause i knew i needed all of my energy for that..but we ended up doing 5 items first which went pretty smoothly..and by the end of it i was dying already..damn lethargic..so when we started the damn 2.4..by the end of the first round i knew i was screwed cause i started feeling tired already and normally i only start feeling tired at the end of the 3rd round..so anyway..by the end of the 2nd round..my dear teammates trier and michelle suddenly ran towards the side and stopped running..leaving me with my dear super fit super stamina snrs..three of them actually..at that moment i really knew i was screwed..thought i could go on..but as i saw the gap between me and the snrs grew bigger..i just felt more and more tired and just didnt feel like running anymore..in total walked like at least 1 and a half rounds..michelle and trier tried to push me on..i swear i have like zero or negative determination..no one believed me when i told them i needed my ipod to finish running..i should have just heck cared about looking like i act cool or shit..sighh

anyway i feel quite pathetic in the determination area now..i think i'll prob re-run it..on tues with michelle and trier but i am not gonna run at their pace i'll just die at the end..so i'll try run on my own at my own pace with my ipod.. :D haha see how it goes..if not i stil have my B to fall back on i guess..but of course i def can do much better..i know that for sure..my fitness can take it..its just the determination area that is worring me..but anyway..yeah i was quite down about getting such a sucky timing

and i swear i was dead by the end of it all..i looked like a piece of crap i swear...def not a good day or time to look sucky..sijia will know..haha but napfa today was nice despite it all..dd... :D

oh i discovered..that when pple gossip about someone it is so friggin obvious..everyone in the convo on the table will turn and look at the same time..and the only person who never turn would be the person who is gossiping..haha its really hilarious to see how obvious it actually is..today was a very very unglam day with screwed hair and me panting like crazy and practically sprawling on the floor after the run..pathetic i swear..lesson learnt..no such thing as 2.4 after 5 items..

anyway day ended wonderfully with my nice chat with my dear sijia..i just love it when we have nice girl chats..cant wait for tmr when we continue..:D i love you jiajia

jue dui superstar

2005-07-20T08:43:00.000-07:00

haha finally understand the fuss about the chan u superstar thing..haha the singing standards are really not bad..haha ching and sijia were all telling me about some derrick guy who was very cute and showed me his link..haha and then i realised what i had been missing..haha he is pretty cute..in the small boy way..but hahaha 165cm really aint very attractive

oh and so many pple have mistaken some lijun girl to be me..like mayb's friend who met me once and thought i was on the show..haha and i went to see her singing videos and freaked..we so do not look alike..haha i was highly traumatised when i saw the first video of her prancing arnd..to think pple actually thought that was me was very disturbing..

anyway i couldnt find the chem question paper..so didnt get to do the mcq..haha hope i dont kena in tutorial tmr den..busy tiring day ahead..really should get some sleep..

surfing the ben and jerry's website is really damn exciting right sijia? :D

what's ur flava

2005-07-18T08:59:00.000-07:00

CHERRY GARCIA!
You scored 74% SWEET, 62% CHUNKY, and 62% UNIQUE!

cherry sweet cream base with cherries and fudge chunks

Awesome...you are one of my personal favs: Cherry Garcia. You fall in the middle on all measurements- sweet, wild, and unique, but not overwhelmingly so on any of those. You make a good friend, able to share your unique perspectives on things, and able to have fun without winding up in jail or something. Good job.

haha highlight of the night- jacking titus..again..i get him every single friggin time..tiring day ahead..time for my beauty sleep :D life aint that bad

chel's bdae

2005-07-15T20:27:00.000-07:00

sch yesterday was slack as hell..funnest when it ended with physics prac and with all of us getting all high and weird cause of being stressed by the dumb physics prac..kenny was hilarious and me and yogi laughed till we were nearly rolling on the grnd..i just love those girls+kenny and glen hahahhaha..

had to wait arnd the canteen from 1130-2 to wait for dear jia to be done..was getting so bored..ohhhh..he smiled at me yesterday :D:D:D haha that got me smiling to myself for ages

anyway after that it was just slacking arnd and pure girl gossiping and thrash talk with chel and jia till 10+..lido and mccafe..they were making fun of me about the weirdest stuff..hahaha xiao wan zi and puss..me and chel agreed..their faces are meant for each other..wouldnt it be just too cute :P

haha we three just get high on air when we're together..

so anyway later its gonna be chel's bdae thing..fun to see pple i've been missing..oh i'm so totally hooked onto oc now..watching season 1 again cause yogi had the dvds..oooh..ryan and marissa..hottest on earth..watching them make out can prob replace porn :D haha i love hot girls..

blood donation

2005-07-14T07:44:00.000-07:00

haha what a nice day..rj had a blood donation drive and me ching lihong shuyi glen kenny weihan yogi went off near the end of physics block to donate..queue was loooonng..haha had the blood test done before the actual blood donation..and then the joke of the century was created..guess who had low blood pressure..hahhahahahaha ching!! hahhaa we all nearly rolled on the floor laughing when we found out..then yogi and kenny couldnt donate cause they were on medication..leaving only 5 of us..long wait..reading csi pandan cake nuggets kinderbueno and listening to the ipod..finally it was our turn..only for shuyi to find out she had waited for 2+ hrs for nothing..her veins were supposedly too soft to donate blood..made me really worried that i might not be able to donate..well in the end managed to..thank god..

haha i was REALLY LUCKY to get the bed nearest to where everyone was sitting and waiting for their turns..so when the nurse was poking the needle in everyone was staring in fear and shock..it was funny looking at the expressions..

oh anyway i realised..our class guys..very humchi..only glen and weihan had the guts to donate..kenny was freaking out every single moment and just wanted to make use of the opportunity to pon chem..

anyway..haha the blood donation passed REALLY quickly due to a specific factor not suitable to mention here..haha i wish i did more than just laugh..

yeah! eyecandy in rj again :D maybe that'll stop me from doing things that i will just regret in future

tired

2005-07-12T07:33:00.000-07:00

i realised that i get stressed up really easily..by people arnd me..lke how dah is suddenly so so so obsessed with studying..i feel like i am falling far far far behind and trying to grab hold of some part of her just to try and keep up but still lagging behind..communication barrier now..

today we got some stuff sorted out for netball..attendance made me feel relatively inefficient and pathetic..wonder if it was like that the whole time..gotta do sthng about all the mindsets..to get everyone to really psych up and really want to work for sthng together instead of just dreading it all and just trying to bear it till it all ends..cause it wouldnt work this way..but i'm sure it will work out fine..not about what you achieve because you will achieve what you want to in the end..just about how hard it is going to be trying to achieve it..

eyes feel really tired..dont get chem energetics..cant do a single friggin ques from the damn tutorial..all depressed once more..oh well i will look forward to sat..and gay stuff like watching oc..cant wait for the spiderman scene :D

even gay techno songs blasting into my ears dun get me high or amused anymore